STRUGGLES

First and foremost, I want to say a prayer for our country, the first responders, the families, and those who lost their lives on this day 17 years ago. For those of us old enough to remember, we know exactly where we were 17 years ago. Despite the evil, this is a country of people who will rebuild not only the buildings but personal lives never forgetting this day 17 years ago. Amen.

Struggle. Webster’s dictionary defines struggle as “to try very hard to do, achieve, or deal with something that is difficult or that causes problems.”

September 11^th was and continues to be a reminder of a struggle. A struggle of good vs. evil, a struggle for families to begin their personal journey of the loss of a loved one, friend, co-worker, a struggle for this country on how to move forward, a struggle of what to do to make sure this doesn’t happen again, and a struggle to find a way to honor those lost.

Yes, this day is a struggle that we can all understand. Let’s think about how the word struggle also represents things happening in our own daily lives.

It may be a struggle with a boss, it may be a struggle with our children, it may be a struggle with our spouse or a significant other, it may be a struggle with our own faith, it may be a struggle understanding who we are and what our purpose here on earth may be. Our struggles may be with our feeling of inadequacy, our own feeling of a lack of importance or value to the people that mean the most to us, our own lack of understanding how to move forward when the situations, relationships, or our surroundings seem beyond what we can control.

In today’s times, it’s a constant struggle to determine what is true, what is fact, what is causing the struggle in the first place. Yes, you can use our political climate as an example, however, I’d challenge you to think personally.

What struggles have you been facing lately? I watch Guy Danhoff face his struggle of losing 150 pounds. He’s attacking this struggle each and every moment, each and every day. There’s a continuous struggle with every decision he makes about what he’s going to eat, whether he goes to the gym or not, whether or not he’s going to get through the day pursuing his goals in order to revisit the struggles again the next day. Guy knows the struggles and knows the only way he won’t succeed is if he quits.

I reflect on the struggles my niece, Jessica, had in order for her to pursue her dreams of becoming a doctor. She struggled with her dyslexia. She struggled with all the naysayers telling her she should settle and not go for her true dream of being an MD. She struggled with pushing forward not just for a week or two but for YEARS in order to put herself in a position to succeed despite all the obstacles. She believed the only way she would not succeed was if she quit. (She’s now in medical school.)

I think about the MBU Spartan football team that works hard every day, every practice, every film session, every struggle a coach may have with a player or player with a coach only to face the final score of a game that’s not in their favor. It’s a struggle to continue moving forward yet the only way they will fail is if they quit.

I think about my personal struggles with my faith journey. Due to a variety of situations growing up, I have finally come, over the past 10+ years, of finding where I’m comfortable knowing my faith and not spending time with whether it fits for anyone other than myself and my journey of faith.

I think about members of my family who struggle with their own personal issues in relationships, in their jobs, with their colleagues and bosses, and with juggling work and family.

So what do we do? We all have struggles in all areas of our lives. How do we continue? How do we move from a place of struggle to a place of overcoming? How do we move to a place of fulfillment? If you have children or even grandchildren, you are more than aware of how quickly time goes by.

My latest book to read and one that I may look back and realize had the most profound effect on my life is The Carpenter by Jon Gordon. Gordon is the author of The Energy Bus, Positive Dog, The Seed and many more. This is by far my favorite on so many levels.

From Gordon’s book, the carpenter suggests to “live by design and know the life you want to create. With this approach you will create a masterpiece and not live by chance.”

Also from the book, “What does life look like at the end? Begin creating with the end in mind and work backwards. What does it look like when I’m my healthiest, strongest, best? What does my family life look like? Am I ignoring the people I love the most or making more time for them? What matters most? What are my daily priorities that drive me? What am I doing that makes me come alive? When I look back on my life what do I want to be able to say about it?

I leave you with this from the book, “Without struggle there is no reward. Without obstacles there’s no growth. Without setback there’s no triumph. Without failure and defeat along the way there’s no ultimate victory and feeling of accomplishment. As builder of lives and people and teams, I must expect challenges, adversity, rejection, and negativity, but I have an even greater expectation that I WILL overcome them!!”

Book suggestion: The Carpenter by Jon Gordon

Thought for the Day: “I expect great things to happen today. I trust in God’s plan for my life. I accept all the love, joy, abundance, and success in my life. I accept all the people who want to work with me and benefit from my gifts and love. Every day I am getting stronger, healthier, and better.”

Life Skills from 4H

I’m behind in getting this blog post out. We had a beautiful week with two of our grandchildren giving them a break from daycare before school started and all their other summer activities had ended. Other summer activities included being at county fairs to watch some of the grand kids show their animals. What an amazing experience as we now watch our children help their children learn all about 4H and what that means.

Do you know much about 4H? It’s an incredible organization for our young people. A.B. Graham started a youth program in Ohio in 1902 that was considered the birth of the 4H program in the U.S. When Congress created the Cooperative Extension Service in the USDA in 1914, it included boys’ and girls’ club work. These soon became known as 4H clubs.

The 4H name represents four personal development areas of focus for the organization: head, heart, hands, and health. The goal of 4H is to develop citizenship, leadership, responsibility, and life skills of youth through experimental learning programs and a positive youth development approach.

We joined a 4H Club almost 30 years ago when Jason was old enough to get involved. It began with two pigs and later expanded to sheep, when Elsa was old enough, a steer, and dairy. From ages 9 to 18, both Jason and Elsa picked out their animals, purchased them, fed, and cared for them in all ways necessary. That included cleaning up, walking/exercising them, and filling out detailed record books. Both kids had a check book and checking account at age 9.

We told them from the very beginning that as long as they were taking on the main responsibilities, we would help them. What transpired for all those years was a family time of feeding, exercising, washing, and fair time together. MEMORIES!! 

When I read the goals of 4H, I can attest to ALL of them being a part of our experiences. Though we primarily did the animals, many young people choose to go the project route which includes projects with leather, sewing, cooking, rocket building, fishing, gun safety, and so much more.

I watch 4 and 6-year-old Nyelle and Teagan tying up the new dairy calves to get them use to a halter. They will walk them around with the halter, and they love showing their dairy animals during the Open Shows at the county fairs. They’re still a little young to be a part of 4H, but you’d never know it the way they prepare their animals for showing. They have learned what to do when you show, and they know they must practice ahead of time.

Last year Bria was old enough to join their county 4H Club and went to the fair with her bucket calf. This year Bria showed three pigs and two goats. It was a totally new experience with five animals versus the one steer she had last year. It also meant learning how to correctly feed the animals, so they would make weight, learning how to clip them for fair time, needing to exercise the animals and practice showing them on an almost daily basis throughout the spring and summer. She learned that you don’t just show up when it’s time to take the animals to fair and expect to do well.

 I know 4H taught our children about responsibility. Being accountable for their expenses, reinvesting their earnings into either future animal projects or their college fund, writing checks and balancing their checkbooks along with a work ethic that is definitely a life skill have been invaluable lessons that have benefited our own children and now we watch those same skills contributing to the life skills of our grandchildren.

Being a part of the parade in Longmont with our dairy cows, spending the night on the fair grounds when we had to milk out the cows at 2:00 am to be ready for the show the next day, water fights in the wash racks where we were washing the animals, continually learning from those more experienced who shared their knowledge, meeting people that are still friends today, and so much more. MEMORIES!

I tell this now mainly because I see the value of families being together, the value of having something which everyone can participate in, the value of learning responsibility, leadership, citizenship, commitment, respect, and life skills first hand. Whether it’s 4H or something else, my hope is families today can focus on something more than texting and video games.

Suggested book: The Ant and the Elephant - Leadership for the Self by Vince Poscente

Quote: I pledge, "My Head to clearer thinking, My Heart to greater loyalty, My Hands to larger service and My Health to better living for my club, my community, my country, and my world."

Never Quit - Another Story

As I wrote in an earlier blog, my niece Jessica is now in her first few weeks of medical school. She is the one who took the MCAT tests three times, was told over and over that she should reframe her goals and go to PA school etc. Despite the naysayers, she is now living her dream. She never quit!

I love the stories of people who have a goal and pursue that goal no matter what it takes. The desire is there, the WHY is strong, and despite all the struggles the goal never changes!

Would you be willing to put your desire to lose 150 pounds out on social media? Would you be willing to document your struggles with details, pictures, and videos? Would you stay committed despite a journey that might take a year?

Guy Danhoff, a professor at Missouri Baptist University in St. Louis is doing just that. Because of a love of football and being a former player himself, Guy has been helping the football program with interviews, coach’s shows, and even using his sports media class to apply lessons in the class to real world experience. He was a football player himself in college, a rock band guitar player, is currently a professor at MBU, a digital marketing consultant, now in his 40’s, married, and with three daughters. He is extremely talented and works hard in all he does.

In his words, he’s struggled with his weight for quite some time. Now he’s working hard on getting himself healthy.

I don’t know Guy well, but because of his connection with MBU football where our son, Jason, is the head coach, I have enjoyed watching him and more importantly catching his Facebook posts. This is where I’ve seen him make a commitment to his health.

D1 Training St. Louis West is a new gym in the St. Louis area with a wonderful message of mind and body working hand in hand to make a difference in their clients’ lives. Guy has made a commitment to working out at D1 Training and changing his lifestyle with his ultimate goal to lose 150 pounds. He documents his workouts, how he’s changing his eating habits through the help of a company that delivers meals, and he posts pictures of his youngest daughter who is his WHY.

24 pounds lost in 29 days, new mindset of working out and eating correctly with a good program, being more active, and most of all being consistent with each aspect of his new routine.

For me, Guy is teaching each of us that there are specific steps to success. Making a commitment to a dream and never giving up is a critical first step. Small steps and setting attainable goals keeps your action moving forward. Do whatever it takes to achieve the goals. No excuses allowed. Have a support system, seek advice from professionals, and understand that this is a journey, and it will take time. Your WHY must be strong enough to get through the tougher and more discouraging days. Document the journey whether it’s written, photos, videos on the good days and the bad as they will be your story to tell later. The documentation will be a great reminder of how far you’ve come when you reach your goal. The recorded history is a reminder that you are strong and can do anything you set your mind to.

Jess worked through a learning disability, going back for a second degree, taking the MCAT’s three times, and so much more. Yet, she is now starting medical school! Guy has just started his journey, yet he is setting himself up for success and his WHY is guiding him each day.

What about you? What are you wanting to change in your life and what are you willing to do to make that change happen? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to improve your life in a specific area? Are you willing to change? Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to take the time no matter how long it takes to get the results you want? Are you willing to put action behind your words? Are you committed enough that no matter what you will NEVER quit?

Here’s to a week of reflection.

Book Suggestion: Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

Quote: “We all fight battles and face the temptation to stop fighting and just give up, but commitment is the thing that enables us to resist that temptation. When you are fiercely committed to God’s purpose for your life, you will begin to experience all that He has for you.”

Everybody Somebody Anybody Nobody

July 14^th was an interesting read from The Power of Being Thankful book. Wishing for something doesn’t produce the results we desire.

“I once heard a story about four people called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. In the end, Everybody blames Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.”

“The moral of the story is simple: If you see that something needs to be done and you have the ability to do it, be thankful for the opportunity that God has given you and go be the change that everybody else is waiting for.”

I keep reading this over and over. It’s extremely powerful when you put these words into various situations. Think of something that you have been a part of recently that ended badly or something that could have had a much better outcome. Did you have an opportunity to be a change agent?

What gets in the way for Everybody or Somebody to take action? The list is endless. Situations vary as to why people are not willing to take action. It may be an intimidating boss, it may be fear of loss of a job, fear of loss of friends, fear of loss of income etc. It may be a lack of self confidence and the feeling that others won’t listen.

It’s complicated and because human being are involved, there are many excuses and rationalization. We get caught up in our own story, our own life experiences, our own unwillingness to see things through a different set of eyes. Our tendency is to take the “safe” route, not rock the boat, not bring attention to ourselves, not challenge those in authoritative positions.

How is it then that we can learn to solve problems in a collaborative way with an effective outcome? First and foremost, it’s ALL up to YOU as to what is in YOUR control. You can not control anyone else. You CAN control whether you go back to old ways of blaming, complaining, and defending your actions which are nonresourceful OR you find a path that will move things forward in a positive, respectful way. YOU can “pick your battles” and decide which is worth your time and focus. YOU are in control where and when you confront/challenge something.

Ultimately, it comes down to how confident you are in yourself to make a difference in your own world. Are you ready to learn new strategies, learn new information, learn new ways to do something? Are you open to learning and growing in ALL areas of your life? Are you willing to change, be coachable, handle feedback from a respected and skilled mentor?

If you are ready to enhance your life, if you’re willing to get out of your comfort zone to learn and grow, you can avoid more often than not situations where “Everybody blames Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.” You CAN be a change agent!

Book Suggestion: 12 Pillars by Chris Widener

Quote: Unless you try doing something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow. “ Ralph Waldo Emerson

CONFIDENCE

Why is it we see everyone else “perfect,” and we only see our own faults and shortcomings?

We think everyone else has it all together without any challenges in their life. We see ourselves, on the other hand, in such a critical light. Why don’t we have the relationship we think others have? Why can’t we lose weight? Why can’t we have the same financial freedom? The list goes on and on.

Instead of looking at all we DO have, we look at all that we want/don’t have. COMPARING others to ourselves is “deadly.” We are making comparisons NOT based on any actual facts, only what we “think” are the facts. It really comes down to our personal level of confidence or self-esteem.

Rather than spending time identifying our own assets, our own gratitude’s, we allow our focus to be on what we WISH we had. Personally, I think reality shows and shows like The Bachelor or the Bachelorette paint an unrealistic picture of life.

Are there any benefits of comparing ourselves to others? The only thing I can think of is seeing things in a different way that would motivate me to make a change. There are many stories of people who have come from unhealthy and unsafe environments who strive to get out and not follow the same path as other family or friends. We hear stories of men and women, both, who don’t respect themselves enough to think they deserve better allowing themselves to be in unhealthy relationships. We hear stories of young people who are in poorly run schools that want a better education and find a way to get to a better school for a better education. These are good reasons to compare ourselves to others.

What’s the common theme for those who have overcome difficulties?  Well-known leaders in personal development say, “If you want something different in your life, you have to DO something different.” That means CHANGE. These stories all reflect a willingness to change and they took ACTION to change. The other common theme is that these people have confidence and enough self-esteem to believe that they DO deserve better, and they take ACTION. The big question is…Are you living the life that God meant you to live and if not, why not?

Take a minute and think about this. Are you taking care of yourself physically? Are you taking care of yourself emotionally? Are you taking care of your finances? Are you taking care of your relationships with a significant other? Are you taking care of your spiritual life?

When you answer these questions are you thinking about YOU or are you looking at what you wish was the case? Are you being honest with yourself or are you avoiding something because it’s too painful or it seems to be unfixable or it seems to be unattainable?

In The Power of Being Thankful book, I read the daily entry and I re-read several entries from previous days because the message is one I need to read continuously as a reminder. I want to share one of these in hopes it can help you take a step forward to becoming the best YOU that YOU can be…

April 2^nd  Living with Confidence  “A person without confidence is like an airplane sitting on a runway with empty fuel tanks. The plane has the ability to fly, but without some fuel, it’s not getting off the tarmac. Confidence is our fuel. Our confidence gets us started and helps us finish every challenge we tackle in life. Without confidence we will live in fear and never feel fulfilled. Confidence allows us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. It enables us to live authentically. “

“When we know who we are in God, we don’t have to pretend to be somebody we’re not because we are secure in who we are---even if we’re different from those around us. Confidence allows us to live peaceful, joy-filled lives.”

Two final questions. One, if you’re not seeing yourself in a confident way, what are you going to do to change that? What ACTION are you willing to take? Second, is your lack of confidence/self-esteem because you compare yourself to others and don’t really know all YOUR own incredible talents and assets? What ACTION are you willing to take to make a change?

Book Suggestion: The Power of Being Thankful by Joyce Meyer

Quote:  “Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.”

Be Present - Reflections

Time with three of the grandchildren. Hall of Fame induction for CU Coach Ceal Barry. Holding 9-month-old great nephew, Joseph, for the first time. Coffee update with another retired teacher and good friend. Father’s Day this past Sunday. Wonderful opportunities to celebrate and a reminder of the importance of time spent with friends and family.

Lots of miles put on the car traveling to Illinois, then on to Knoxville with a stop in Nashville for a short time before going back to Illinois, and then home. A reoccurring thought, throughout our travels, was how blessed I am that Jon and I are healthy enough to be able to do all we want to do.

We spent time with people we haven’t seen in a long time at Ceal’s induction. It was a time to reminisce, a time for stories, laughter, and a time to hear all that is happening in everyone’s life. Throughout the weekend, we heard stories of the impact coaches had on so many lives. It was the importance of having an opportunity to play a game they loved and to be able to get out of challenging environments to go on and make an impact on others’ lives. It was all about connections and the importance of how much people cared and showed their caring through their actions.

Stopping on our way back to the farm, we saw Dan, Holly, and Joseph. It was time to catch up on my nephew Dan’s finishing his residency and getting ready to begin his Fellowship starting July 1^st. It was hearing from Holly about going back to work and juggling work and family, and it was extra special watching Joseph explore his world. Thank goodness for baby sign language as Joseph was ready to eat and let his parents know by signing.

Watching Teagan play T-ball brought many memories of when our kids played. It was coloring, putting together Legos, watching Kyan crawling at break neck speeds and climbing up on the dishwasher to “help.” Checking out all the newborn calves (LOTS) and the girls “helping” with getting the cows ready to classify. One of THE best parts was catching fireflies!! Unless you’ve been in the Midwest you may not know about these as we don’t have them here in Colorado. Jason made sure there was a glass jar with holes in the top and a little grass to put the fireflies that the girls caught.

Thanks to Jon and his willingness to “drive Miss Daisy” we missed hitting two deer and made it home safely. The car now registers over 200,000 miles. Many thoughts of all that Jon is to our children and grandchildren. He is someone we all can count on to do whatever it takes, is open to help in any way, is there to listen and help in whatever way that may look.

My thoughts from these 8 days…(1) hearing the grandchildren say please and thank you when they needed something, (2) coming home and finding in the mail a thank you hand written note, written by our 8 year old granddaughter along with a picture, (3) the best way to know what’s going on in someone’s life is to ask questions and totally listen to the answers without interrupting, (4) realizing we’re all in a position to influence, inspire, and empower others through the giving of our time, focus and being present, and (5) it was saying and hearing back “I love you.”

I wish you an opportunity to sit down and reflect on how you’ve spent your last couple weeks. What are your thoughts? What do you “come away with?”

Suggested book: The Go-Giver Leader by Bob Burg and John David Mann

Quote: “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” John Wooden

Dream Small

Happy first Tuesday in June! May came and went all too quickly.

I was listening on the radio to a new song by Josh Wilson called “Dream Small.” My first reaction was What? Dream small? Then I listened carefully to the words. It’s a beautiful message!

Verse 1

It’s a momma singing songs about the Lord

It’s a daddy spending family time that the world said he cannot afford

These simple moments change the world

It’s a pastor at a tiny little Church

Forty years of loving for the broken and the hurt

These simple moments change the world.

Chorus:

Dream small

Don’t bother like you’ve gotta do it all

Just let Jesus use you where you are

One day at a time

Live well

Loving God and others as yourself

Find little ways where only you can help

With His great love

A tiny rock can make a giant fall

Dream small.

Verse 2

It’s visiting the widow down the street

Or dancing on a Friday with your friend with special needs

These simple moments change the world

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with bigger dreams

Just don’t miss the minutes on your way, your bigger things

‘Cause these simple moments change the world.

Keep loving, keep serving

Keep listening, keep learning

Keep praying, keep hoping

Keep seeking, keep searching

Out of these small things and watch them grow bigger

The God who does all things makes oceans…from rivers.

For me, this is my take away:

These simple moments change the world

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with bigger dreams

Just don’t miss the minutes on your way, your bigger things

‘Cause these simple moments change the world.

Book Suggestion: The Go Giver Influencer by Bob Burg and John David Mann

Quote: “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment. The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.”